A first

Today I, for the first time, joined the serried ranks of men sitting (I'm not sure serried ranks can 'sit' with hindsight) outside the ladies fitting rooms at Marks & Spencer. Now you might well think this was a strange thing for me to be doing; well so did the men and I think the M & S lady on monitoring duty in the doorway was getting close to calling security - especially after I'd been sat there for more than half an hour.

I defy anyone to guess why I was there - especially as those of you that know me well know how much I loathe any kind of shopping that isn't to do with food. I tend to rely on good quality cast offs from Lesley (NB Yarwood) and Sally (my postal address). The former has lost so much weight on the old 5:2 diet that I've gained most of her trousers and the latter just has so many clothes that she has to hand a load over twice a year or she'd not get in her front door.

Well there I was browsing in the excellent M &; S food hall when I sort of fell out the end into their clothing sale area where I happened upon a rather nice pair of trousers in my size. When I tried them on  ('trying them on' has to be a first in many years) they were a bit long and I realised that they were the longer length and I needed medium if I wasn't going to have to go through the hassle of getting G to shorten them for me. As I left the fitting room in search of 'medium' I spied a lady heading into the fitting rooms carrying 2 pairs in my size/colour. None left on the shelf so I reckoned that if she took in 2 pairs of navy blue size 10s then they had to be of different leg lengths - why else?

So I sat outside and waited for her to come out in the hope that she might reject the medium leg length (she was quite short). So I waited...and waited...and waited. I saw many women go in and come out - some came out for different sizes; go back in and come out again. Still no sign of the lady with 'my' trousers. I had time to make observations regarding the rejection of 'tried on' garments with the door lady - in answer to her, 'are they all right madam?' enquiry most people didn't just want to say,'no'. They gave all sorts of reasons as to why they couldn't commit to a purchase. Very few people were able to hand the clothes back, say 'no thank you' and leave - it was quite entertaining.

Meanwhile there was still no sign of 'my' trousers. Could she have left by the tradesman's entrance? Could she have nodded off? Could she have collapsed or, heaven forbid, died? By now I was getting to the stage where I could have sat there and taken the long ones up twice over. Graham phoned to ask if I was lost.

I made the decision that I would watch 3 more ladies go in and come out and then give up. They did; so I got to my feet and there she was clutching not one, but two pairs of navy blue size 10 medium leg. "I thought they were size 12s" she said as she thrust them at the assistant. RESULT!!! But what was she doing in there all that time and why two identical pairs?

That's me shopped out for at least 2 years! I was more than ready to throw myself on the mercy of this fellow

G bought me a new, de-luxe, bird feeder

 The squirrels love it

 Muttley or a lamb?

 Muttley and I have been out on our own a lot as poor old Baxter hasn't been well again