Wednesday, 19 December 2012

The true cost of homemade mince pies

Cooking pastry requires quite a high oven temperature, so the first step in making your own mince pies is to clean the oven - if not, the smoke alarm will be heard far and wide so:

  1. Buy comprehensive oven cleaning package £3.20. Put oven shelves in bag provided with the gunk and dump it on the bank overnight (please ensure you are moored in a remote area). Wipe remaining gunk all round oven wearing marigolds (preferably pink).
  2. In the morning, whilst suffering a nose bleed and still wearing ancient PJs, re-apply the marigolds, stuff loo roll up your nose and take a jug of water out to rinse off the shelves in the bag. Wave to passing dog walker who, for some inexplicable reason breaks into a run. 
  3. Regain warmth of boat and rinse out gunk in oven.
  4. Send willing slave husband to nearest shop to buy mince pie tins £4.35.
  5. Send willing slave husband back to shop with cake storage tins and return with pie tins £6.15.
  6. Roll out shortcrust pastry £1.20
  7. Remove cat from rolled out pastry.

   8. Apply pastry cutters (£2.99) to pastry only to find cutters are too small or tins are too big
   9. Do the best you can by rolling circle very thinly to make it bigger
 10. Fill with mincemeat (£1.20) wack on the top and bake in very clean oven
 11. Take first batch round to your mate on Yarwood. Batch test with a glass of sherry and a toast to    

True cost..................priceless


  1. LOL! I'm sure they tasted wonderful and even better when shared with a friend.(and sherry).
    I have two hats made, a blue one and a red one. Let me know which you'd prefer and an address I can send it to.

    1. They did actually taste quite nice!
      A blue hat please. Thank you very,very much. Ely post office address coming your way entirely at your convenience

  2. Love it.
    Merry Christmas to you all.

    1. I hope I made you smile. Our waterways aren't the same without you! Merry Christmas

  3. I'm fed up with all this 'Graham Budd' business - it's meee

  4. That has to be one of your best blogs yet!!!Liz and I absolutely wet ourselves reading it, and the picture of the cats paw prints on the pastry is priceless.

    Beardy Chas

    1. Glad I made you both laugh (particularly as I have shares in Tenna Lady); can't say the same for the man out dog walking though - I think he was seriously traumatised!

  5. I too had a Tenna Lady moment reading your blog - your mince pies look scrummy! I gave up making them years ago - they were always a disaster - bought ones taste much better than mine, but not than yours, I'll bet.
    Are you spending Christmas in Ely?
    Lotsa love xxx

    1. Hi Pip & Roger. We'll be in Ely for Xmas. Give us a ring if you fancy a run out with Ozzy xx