Cooking pastry requires quite a high oven temperature, so the first step in making your own mince pies is to clean the oven - if not, the smoke alarm will be heard far and wide so:
- Buy comprehensive oven cleaning package £3.20. Put oven shelves in bag provided with the gunk and dump it on the bank overnight (please ensure you are moored in a remote area). Wipe remaining gunk all round oven wearing marigolds (preferably pink).
- In the morning, whilst suffering a nose bleed and still wearing ancient PJs, re-apply the marigolds, stuff loo roll up your nose and take a jug of water out to rinse off the shelves in the bag. Wave to passing dog walker who, for some inexplicable reason breaks into a run.
- Regain warmth of boat and rinse out gunk in oven.
willing slavehusband to nearest shop to buy mince pie tins £4.35.
willing slavehusband back to shop with cake storage tins and return with pie tins £6.15.
- Roll out shortcrust pastry £1.20
- Remove cat from rolled out pastry.
11. Take first batch round to your mate on Yarwood. Batch test with a glass of sherry and a toast to